Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011
St John Bodysnatcher, watched over by prison guard 'Brutus'.
Big Book of Lies founder Arthur St John Bodysnatcher is at last free after spending 18 months in a Bolivian prison, having been falsely convicted of running a bare knuckle ocelot fighting ring. Kept under 24 hour guard to prevent his escape or possibly spreading eruditeness throughout the prison, St John Bodysnatcher was unable to communicate with Jabber Grimshaw and pass him the closely guarded Book of Lies password – also, as a functional illiterate and leading Mason, Grimshaw was incapable of maintaining the site in any case.
While still recovering from his ordeal, St John Bodysnatcher would like to assure his female admirers that he is determined to not allow this setback to slow him down, and is even now making plans for new, more extravagant lies, possibly performed live over the summer at top skiffle events.
Posted in Bad Wisdom Info, Celebrity, Crime, World Events | Tagged: bad wisdom, Bolivia, Crime, Criminal, Feeble Excuses, Jabber Grimshaw, Mason, Norman St John Bodysnatcher, Ocelot, Skiffle | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on November 6, 2011
Birkin has been known to spend money on trivial things
The richest man in the world has been confirmed as Stanley Birkin of Cleethorpes, England.
Birkin has an estimated £7000 (US$17) in his building society account and also owns his own terraced house and second hand car.Information about how he achieved such great wealth is hard to come by, with many speculating that he is involved with the criminal underworld.
He is frequently the subject of global protest, especially after it was revealed that he buys fast food as often as twice a week, blowing as much as £7 (US$500) each time.
Posted in Facts and Figures, Politics, World Records | Tagged: Britain, Crime, Money, Protest, Wealth | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 23, 2010
One in seven Portuguese people have seen Lord of the G-Strings
The most successful film at the Portuguese box office is the historical epic Lord of the G-Strings – The Femaleship of the String, directed in 2003 by Terry West. Praised for its documentary realism and epic battle scenes, the film struck a particular chord with the audiences of Lisbon, where the film played continually for over over four years, with star Misty Mundae being a regular guest on local TV quiz shows.
Posted in Art and Culture, Celebrity, Film and TV, Sexuality, World Records | Tagged: Epic, Film, Lord of the G-Strings, Portugal, Sex, Terry West. Misty Mundae | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010
Hylda Baker, Sex Goddess
Actress and pop star Hylda Baker has topped FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World list for the third year running. This is despite her dying in 1986.
Posted in Celebrity, Facts and Figures, Film and TV, Music, Sexuality | Tagged: FHM, Hylda Baker, Sexy | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010
Geoffrey is caught on camera as he bludgeons his co-stars
In 1987, Rainbow presenter Geoffrey snapped during a live TV broadcast, and bludgeoned his co-stars Zippy, George and Bungle, as well as platinum-selling musical combo Rod, Jane and Freddie, before finally turning the hammer on himself. No reason has ever been given for the killings, which remained Britain’s worst children’s TV-related murder incident until the infamous Tinky Winky massacre ten years later.
The footage is now a popular staple on bloopers shows.
Posted in Celebrity, Crime, Film and TV | Tagged: Bloopers, Bungle, Children's TV, Crime, Death, Murder, Rainbow, TV, Zippy | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010
Sambuca is the official drink of Wales, as decreed by the Welsh Assembly in 2003 during a particularly memorable sitting. Over five thousand bottles of of Sambuca – including the rare Off-Brown Sambuca and the popular Leek flavour – are consumed every hour in Wales, where it is particularly popular with children and the homeless.
Posted in Facts and Figures, Food and Drink, National Trends, Politics | Tagged: Alcohol, Leek, Politics, Sambuca, Wales | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on July 22, 2010
Arthur St John Bodysnatcher is escorted to prison by four burly Siberian guards
It’s been some months since the last Big Book of Lies entry, and we feel that you are owed an explanation. It’s a dark and sordid tale…
In January, Big Book of Lies founder Arthur St John Bodysnatcher was arrested by police on the Turkish / Australian border, as he heroically attempted to smuggle fifty politically oppressed Marmosets out of Brazil. Sentenced to 427 years in prison, he found himself captive in a Siberian hellhole, where he survived by teaching inmates how to build working models of Brian Blessed from mashed potatoes and sweat. He also trained a local eagle to carry a message to Lies co-founder Jabber Grimshaw, who immediately began work on a tunnel that would stretch from Lies HQ in Scunthorpe to the walls of St John Bodysnatcher’s cell.
This task was completed in July, and our heroes sprang to freedom (though sadly, the fate of the Marmosets remains unknown). After a stiff cup of tea, St John Bodysnatcher declared that his important educational work found here should continue. And so it shall. Stay tuned for more amazing facts and figures, all entirely inaccurate.
Posted in Bad Wisdom Info, Celebrity, Places, World Events | Tagged: bad wisdom, Brazil, Brian Blessed, Crime, Escape, Marmoset, Politics, Prison, Siberia, Turkey | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on January 14, 2010
Satan - the CEO of Facebook
should sign up to our new group, helping prevent the site from enacting it’s new sinister plans.
Starting this summer, Facebook – headed by Satan – will start charging people $100 a day JUST FOR OWNING A COMPUTER! They will also be demanding the sacrifice all all first born children to their God Cthulhu and be setting up death camps for all Myspace, Bebo and Twitter users.
The Big Book of Bad Wisdom has exclusive information that Facebook is in fact run by Satan, who is working in collaboration with Venusian invaders determined to enslave humanity. However, if a mere one billion people join this group, the slimy invaders will rethink their plans, and Satan will relinquish his hold on your soul – and, more importantly, not charge you to throw virtual sheep at people.
Sign up here
Posted in Art and Culture, Folklore & Superstition, Technology, World Events | Tagged: Bebo, Death Camp, Facebook, Myspace, Satan, Sheep, Twitter, Venus, Virtual | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on January 14, 2010
We’re back from our extended Festive break. Praise the Lord and look out for more exciting untruths coming soon!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: Christmas, News | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Arthur St John Bodysnatcher on December 13, 2009
The Big Book of Lies’ editorial team has been away, unexpectedly called to hunt starfish in Guatemala. We’re now back – bruised, bloodied but unbowed – and normal service will resume tomorrow. We thank you.
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
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