###Explanation: N¬¥0?Tt go Í2e, Ðéy!: SÆ NÆ°¸gV +S+ Et Wt¸gU Implicit U = First input V = Second input

N¬¥0?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬ Join the input (0,0 → "00") ¥0 check if input is roughly equal to 0. In JS, "00" == 0 ? If yes: ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings : Else: ` ...` " South North" compressed qS Split on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"]) gV Return the string at index V +S+ +" "+ ` ...` " East West" compressed qS gU Split on spaces and yield string at index U 

Explanation:

N¬¥0?`Tt go Í2e, Ðéy!`:` SÆ NÆ°`¸gV +S+` Et Wt`¸gU Implicit U = First input V = Second input N¬¥0?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬ Join the input (0,0 → "00") ¥0 check if input is roughly equal to 0. In JS, "00" == 0 ? If yes: ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings : Else: ` ...` " South North" compressed qS Split on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"]) gV Return the string at index V +S+ +" "+ ` ...` " East West" compressed qS gU Split on spaces and yield string at index U 

N¬¥0?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬ Join the input (0,0 → 0) ¥0 ==00. Check if input is 0,0 ? If yes: ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings : Else: ` ...` " South North" compressed qS Join on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"]) gV Return the string at index V +S+ +" "+ ` ...` " East West" compressed qS gU Join on spaces and yield string at index U 

N¬¥0?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬ Join the input (0,0 → "00") ¥0 check if input is roughly equal to 0. In JS, "00" == 0 ? If yes: ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings : Else: ` ...` " South North" compressed qS Split on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"]) gV Return the string at index V +S+ +" "+ ` ...` " East West" compressed qS gU Split on spaces and yield string at index U 

Japt, 57 bytes

N¬¥00?`T•t goƒ Í2€e, Ðéy!`:` SÆ NÆ°`¸gV +S+` E†t Wƒt`¸gU 

Try it online! | Test Suite

###Explanation: N¬¥00?Tt go Í2e, Ðéy!: SÆ NÆ°¸gV +S+ Et Wt¸gU Implicit U = First input V = Second input

N¬¥00?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬  Join the input (0,0 → 00) ¥00 ==00. Check if input is 0,0   ? If yes:   ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string   ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings   : Else:   ` ...` " South North" compressed   qS Join on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"])   gV Return the string at index V   +S+ +" "+   ` ...` " East West" compressed   qS gU Join on spaces and yield string at index U 

Japt, 56 bytes

N¬¥0?`T•t goƒ Í2€e, Ðéy!`:` SÆ NÆ°`¸gV +S+` E†t Wƒt`¸gU 

Try it online! | Test Suite

###Explanation: N¬¥0?Tt go Í2e, Ðéy!: SÆ NÆ°¸gV +S+ Et Wt¸gU Implicit U = First input V = Second input

N¬¥0?`...`:` ...`qS gV +S+` ...`qS gU N¬ Join the input (0,0 → 0) ¥0 ==00. Check if input is 0,0 ? If yes: ... Output "That goes nowhere, silly!". This is a compressed string ` ` Backticks are used to decompress strings : Else: ` ...` " South North" compressed qS Join on " " (" South North" → ["","South","North"]) gV Return the string at index V +S+ +" "+ ` ...` " East West" compressed qS gU Join on spaces and yield string at index U