We were back from Pylea. I was with the man that I loved. I was away from that..that thing that looks too much like me. I should have been happy and upbeat. Everything in my life was in the right place. Well, right place is really a relative term; if you expect to walk down the hallway and see a half a dozen different species of demons in one day and call that normal, then sure, my life was in the right place. But there was this small detail. There was this tiny smudge on my picture-perfect life: Wesley was blind. And he wasn't just run-of-the-mill blind either. He was mystically blind.

He'd done some major black magic to find me and bring me back from the hell called Pylea. However, everything comes with a price, and this time the fee was hefty. If you looked on the bright side of things, which I'm normally prone to do, then you could say that he might have lost something a lot more valuable than his sight, like his legs or his arms or his large intestine, or even his life. But for a man, who has based almost his entire life around the study of books, his eyes were his life-line to the world. And in the blink of an eye, they were gone. Pun not intended, but unfortunately appropriate.

So here I sit, pouring over magic book after magic book trying to find a cure for the man I love. He sacrificed his life to save mine, so this is the least I could. Unfortunately, I hadn't turned up squat. Wesley usually came up with the answer the the problem we all faced within an hour. And I can't even find a book that deals with mystical blindness of any sort at all! At least he can't see the disappointment on my face. I can see his though.

I closed the book I was reading through and walked over to him. Settling down on the couch next to him, I pulled the headphones from his head. We'd figured if he couldn't read the books, he could listen to them. So we had a few hundred interns recording book after book after book for Wesley to listen to, so he could help with the research. I leaned over and kissed his cheek before laying my head on his shoulder. "Find anything yet...?" I asked before slipping my fingers through his and letting out a small sigh.

Highs and Lows: worried

Riley and I managed to find a really nice spot that was almost all the way up the hill to have our picnic and go looking for the stuff we needed for class. And the spot we picked had the most amazing view of the city. It was awesome. Riley's dad sent us to the right place. I smiled at him and looked around, "Your dad was right. This place is beautiful." I walked to the edge of the hill, or tiny mountain, and looked down. We were up higher than I thought. I swallowed and took a few steps back. Wouldn't want to tumble to my death, would I...

I looked around the clearing and saw a break in the trees. I squinted my eyes and pointed, "Is that a pond down there?" That would be so nice if it was. It was kind of hot and I'd brought my swim suit with me in case we decided to take a dip. I didn't let Mama and Daddy know that I might go swimming with a boy, alone, but at least I was prepared and wasn't going to go skinny dipping with him. Unless he asked. But Riley was a nice guy and I doubted he would do that. At least, I didn't think he would.

I grabbed my backpack and smiled at Riley as he grabbed his, "Maybe we could eat down there, too?" He nodded and grabbed the basket as we headed down the hill. I was a little ahead of Riley so when I realized that it was a pond, I turned and smiled, "It is a pond! Maybe we can go swimm-" But nothing else managed to get out of my mouth, because I wasn't looking where I was going and I lost my footing. I felt myself fall down and land with a hard thud on the ground, but I didn't stop. I began rolling down the hill. I tried to shield my face with my arms as best I could.

When I finally came to a stop, it was so sudden that it jarred my teeth. I'd smacked into a large rock by the side of the pond and my whole body ached because of it. I just stayed where I was for a few minutes and taking deep breaths. I didn't think anything was broken, at least I hoped it wasn't. It wasn't much longer before Riley was right beside me, panting and asking if I was alright. I gave him a nod and said, "I think so....just really embarrassed."

Highs and Lows: embarrassed

It took Angel a few tries to find the portal back to our dimension, but he found it and we made it back home safely. I was relieved and scared to back. We were home, no more weird dimensions, but we were also back to a world were we were living under the dictatorship of a mad man. More than the relief and fear was overwhelming happiness. In less than two days, I went from being completely alone in my fight against Warren Meers to having two of my best friends as allies. It was a wonderful, yet worrisome feeling.

Yes, it was fantastic to have Wesley and Angel working on the same side as me, but what if we tripped up? What if we let it slip, inadvertently, to someone that we were all working against Meers? What then? I knew what then. We would all die. There would be no trial, no judge, no jury. Just dead. Warren would see to that almost immediately. He couldn't have people in the positions of power, such as Angel, Wesley, and I were, to be his opposition. He would have us 'taken care of' just like in some damn movie.

Ok, so maybe I was being a little paranoid. But wasn't paranoia better than walking around thinking things were roses and daisies? I'd much rather see or expect an attack coming rather and be prepared, rather than being caught unawares because I wasn't ready. Yes, being paranoid is much better than standing around thinking, 'Oh joy in the day, Wesley and Angel and I are on the same team. Grand.' No, that just wouldn't do. I would keep my kernel of paranoia and I would hold onto it because it would probably keep us all alive.

I went back to my lab and began working on the case. Angel approved all the supplies Wesley and I needed to continue working, so all we had to do was wait to hear back from our contact. Once that was received, we would be able to see some of the afflicted and determine what the best course of action would be. Hopefully it wouldn't be too terribly long before we heard something, I wanted to get in there and begin doing some good, instead of sitting and waiting.

To keep from over-thinking the situation, I poured myself into my paperwork. Working at an evil law firm is like working in any office: there's tons of paperwork and if you don't get it done, you could drown in it. Seeing as this was Wolfram and Hart, I might literally drown, so I began working through the piles on my desk. I didn't realize how much time had gone by and when I heard my door open it caught me by surprise and I jumped. "Oh!" I saw who it was and said, "Hi there. Come on in..."

Highs and Lows: worried

The woman or demon or supernatural whatever, who obviously had more from the 'whatever' column than anything, brought us back from Pylea. One minute I was standing there staring at Angel, not believing that he was actually there, and holding onto Wesley and the next, we were all back at Wolfram and Hart. Angel and the blond, Alyx I think her name was, went off on their own. I stood there quietly for a minute and then realized Wesley had no idea what was going on around us. I turned and stared at him for a few heartbeats. Those achingly beautiful blue eyes were clouded over, staring into nothingness.

It was going to take some getting used to, the fact that Wesley was blind. But I would be his eyes for as long as he needed me to be. He went blind trying to find me and bring me home. I owed him so much more than to just be his eyes and I would find every way possible to repay what he's done for me. I reached out and gently touched the side of his face, softly rubbing my thumb across his cheek, "We're home, well...not home home, but back at Wolfram and Hart, so we're at least in the correct dimension. The woman's voice you heard, besides mine and Illyria's was Alyx. She's in charge at Wolfram and Hart now. Remember? I told you I met her one night in my lab? Well that was her. She and Angel poof! showed up and then poof! here we are. And before you ask, Illyria is no where to be seen. I guess Alyx thought she could find her own way home. And I say good riddance, because the later I see her the better."

I looked at Wesley's face again, which had a smile on it and realized I'd just rambled...a lot. But he was used that by now, right? I took a breath and gently touched his arm, "Are you alright? Does...does it hurt at all?" My fingers lightly touched below his eyes and I frowned slightly. He went blind for me. "We need to get you to medical right now, so they can figure out a way to bring back your sight." I slid my arms around his chest and sighed when I felt his go around my body, "I can't believe you did that for me Wesley, you're...you're just amazing." I was glad we were home and I was glad to be back with Wesley. He might be blind, but it was a lot better than being stuck in Pylea with Illyria.

Highs and Lows: worried

After settling Cordelia up on the couch with enough pillows to smother a football team, a glass of ice water, migraine medicine, and something to read, I went upstairs to get our rooms ready. She hadn't asked me to do that for her, but I figured if she was hurting, then she probably wouldn't want to deal with finding a room and settling in. I picked the room across from the one I wanted because it had the same excellent view and terrace to use. I somehow, I really wasn't sure how, because her bags were so very heavy, but I did, and somehow managed to drag all seven of Cordy's bags up the stairs and to her room.

I'd found the few cleaning supplies Angel had in the mansion and set about cleaning up the cobwebs, dust, and anything else still yuck left in the room. After taking several cleaning breaks to re-fill Cordelia's glass and find her something new to read, I finally finished cleaning her room. I have to say, Cordelia does know how to pack for a trip. One of her bags was nothing but shoes, while another bag was bed linens and pillows. I made her bed, the sheets only a little too big for this mattress and then hung up all her clothes. Hanging up Cordelia's clothes was like hanging out with the Energizer Bunny: I never thought it would end. She had more clothes than...than...anyone ever!

But, once I finished her room, I quickly cleaned my room and put my few possessions away. I didn't have any sheets or blankets for my bed, but I'm sure when Angel got back from saving those joggers he'd tell me where to find the extras. Or...at least I hope he had extras. I was hoping he had extras..and if he didn't have extras, maybe he had a pillow and a blanket and when Wesley came to Sunnydale, he could bring some with him. I sighed as I finished putting my last shirt in a drawer and was about to sit down when Cordelia called for me again. I hurried downstairs to see Cordy shaking her glass at me for more water.

I made a face behind her and knew that if she could shake the ice in that glass that loud, her head wasn't hurting her that much anymore. I smiled sweetly and took her glass from her, but didn't go get her more water. "I want you to see something, Cordy. Come with me upstairs, ok?" I smiled and walked up half way and waited for her to follow.

Highs and Lows: accomplished

Everyone went to their respective corners and since Spike and I didn't really have our own corners, we stayed in the lobby for a while. We talked and flirted and touched hands, but I could see the desk, with Wesley's blood out of the corner of my eye...so my flirting wasn't the best it could be. My stomach growled, which gave us something to do. Actually it only gave Spike something to do, which was go and get me as much Chinese take out as he could carry. Apparently the Powers decided to make sure that this body still had a voracious appetite.

And while Spike was out buying us some food, I decided to stay behind and clean up the office. No one should have to come back to that room and see Wesley's blood all over the desk. The mark on his neck was going to be reminder enough, without blood stains all over everything. So, I began picking through the papers on his desk to determine was was salvageable, and what wasn't.

Half way through the stack that had the most blood on them, I saw a sheet of paper with letterhead on it from the INS. The U.S. Immigration and Nationalization Service were sending Wesley letters. And I used the plural for letters because the letter I was holding in my hand indicated that it was one of many that were sent previously. I skimmed through the bulk of the main paragraph and frowned. Wesley's visa was to run out in less than a month. He had no work visa or school visa so the letter said that he has thirty days from the end of this month to leave the country.

Sitting heavily in the chair behind the desk, I felt like something had punched me hard, in the stomach. This had to be a huge factor in Wesley's behavior lately. His self-destructive behavior had to be partially tied to the fact that he was going to have to return to the country where almost every bad memory he's ever had originates from. There had to be something we could still do for him. There were illegal aliens living in this country right now, why did they have to go and pick on Wesley?

I heard rustling in the doorway and looked up to see Spike carrying several bags of food. The aroma was heavenly, but I was barely hungry anymore. I swallowed and gave Spike a worried looked, "I think...I think we have a problem...."

Highs and Lows: worried

I never thought, in a million years, I'd be working for Wolfram and Hart. They were the enemy. They were the ones we were supposed to be working to take down...not working..for. But here I was, and Angel, and Wesley, and Charles, and Lorne...and we were working for the bad guys. I still wasn't sure if we'd made the right decision. Angel insists that we're changing things from the inside out, but sometimes I lay awake at night and worry that we're just the puppets of the big bad evil.

And then I wake up and have days like today; days where I was glad to have such a huge variety of resources at my fingertips. I'd been working on a case that involved children and unexplainable lesions on their torsos. The wounds would appear almost at random and the child would be in inexplicable pain for hours following the appearance. This event was happening to five different children, all with seemingly no obvious link between them.

My employees and I had been working full steam, moving things from the top of our priority lists and putting this case at the top. Everyone was on it, analyzing blood samples and DNA strands. My entire team had been on their feet for almost 20 hours straight and when I saw the fatigue in their eyes and on their face, I sent them all home and told them come back the next day. It wouldn't do any of those kids any good to be exhausted and doing our jobs half as well as we could were we rested.

My team left the lab and as I was gathering all my things to go home, I dropped three of the files. In doing so, three pictures of each of the children's backs fell next to one another. I grabbed the other two files and checked them as well and found the same thing as in the three files on the floor: all of the children had a birthmark on their back. It wasn't something that jumped out at me when I was first investigating and I was kicking myself for it now. Each file had a picture of the birthmark and all the spots were exactly the same.

I grabbed the picture and scanned it into my computer and began a search for the symbol. I'd seen that design before, but I couldn't put my finger on it, but I had a feeling it was demonic. The screen pulled up a picture of the children's birthmark as the identifying mark of a demonic clan from Scotland. I read through the history of the clan and learned that they randomly picked five children, when they were born, from surrounding villages to test. They had been been tested in preparation for becoming the holy man of their clan; each child was inflicted with numerous wounds to prove his or her worth and strength.

This happened 500 years ago and it would be the exact day of the shaman's move to holy man tomorrow. And if I was right, I would have to check with Wesley and the Magick Department, that meant that tomorrow one of the children would become the shaman of this clan. The rest of the children, according to the history of the clan, all died from the final test. I printed out the pages and ran downstairs to find Angel and Wesley. Something had to be done quickly, or all of those children were lost.

Highs and Lows: rushed

It had been a really nice day. Wesley took me outside and we went and ate somewhere and oh wow, the food was so good. After we ate we went to the park and I pushed him on the swings and we laughed and it was...it was really nice. And then, we came back to the hotel and Faith was here and there's a vampire baby and we all might die. I really don't want to die. I want to be alive for the rest of my life. And I want the rest of my life to be a really long time from right now.

After Wesley brought me to my room, I grabbed my blanket and pillow and climbed under my bed. If something was going to come and get me, it was going to have to at least look for me. I wasn't going to be out in the open so I could be easy pickings for some evil demon creature thing. No way. So, I curled up with my blanket and pillow and eventually fell asleep. I didn't dream. I slept like the dead. Well, not dead, like a baby. Not a vampire baby, though, an actual alive baby. I slept really well and when I finally woke up, I was starving.

I climbed out from under the bed and sneezed a few times because of the dust. I wrinkled my nose, saw how dirty and dusty I was from being under there and then took a shower. I made sure there wasn't anyone or anything in the bathroom first, though. After my shower, I got dressed and sat on my bed for a little bit. My stomach kept hollering at me and finally I decided to be brave and go downstairs and see if anyone was around.

I opened the door and looked up and down the hall. The coast was clear, but I was still a little nervous just leaving my room by myself. So, I took a deep breath and walked to the end of the hall and peeked out over the balcony. There still wasn't anyone about that I could see, but that didn't mean that there wasn't anyone hiding behind any corners or something. I began to slowly walk down the steps, trying to be real quiet. As I stepped into the lobby, I felt a hand close on my shoulder. I screamed, spun around and hit whatever it was hard on the top of its head.

Highs and Lows: nervous

We were going home! I was going to go home! I wasn't going to have to live in a demon hell dimension anymore! I wasn't going to have to run for my life every day and make sure I had enough food to eat and the food I was going to eat wasn't going to be tree bark anymore! We were getting the heck out of Pylea and I was so happy that I was giddy with excitement.

When we came out of the portal, Los Angeles looked a lot different than I remembered. Then it was very clear we weren't in Los Angeles, but another demon dimension, when a bunch of people and demons came rushing into the room we'd crashed into. Angel and Cordelia and Wesley and Faith and Gunn all started talking and yelling and asking questions. I didn't want to know where we were. I just wanted to go home. I wanted some tacos and a warm bed and a real bath in a real shower.

They were all talking at the same time, and after Faith told me to 'be cool', I just sat very quietly in the backseat hoping no one would notice me. Because, the less you're noticed, the less likely you are to lose your head. I'd torn a piece of my sleeve off and pressed it against Lorne's head so it would stop his bleeding and then curled up in the floorboard in the back of the car. Maybe this was all a dream and if I went back to sleep and woke up again, I would wake up, safe and happy in Los Angeles.

Highs and Lows: scared

The trip from Los Angeles to Sunnydale was uneventful, except that Cordelia had a complaint about everything that happened. We took the train and she complained that the porter wouldn't carry all seven of her bags into the main compartment because she wanted them close in case she needed to change her outfit. She complained when the towels in the public bathroom weren't the right blend of cotton. She complained when the menu didn't have the right kind of bottled water and when the meal we were served was too salty, then it was too dry, then it was too cold. I didn't know there could be so many things wrong in a trip that only lasted seven hours, but Cordy educated me on that subject.

I didn't want to cause any problems, so I curled up in a chair in one of the riding cars and began reading through one of the demon books Wesley gave me. It didn't feel right that Wesley wasn't with us. He should be here, making sure Cordy wasn't complaining too much and making sure that I wasn't terrified of every noise that I didn't recognize. Which I wasn't...at least not every noise. At least where we were going had Angel. He would make sure everything was alright once we got to Sunnydale, even if it was full of really bad things and a Hellmouth. He was my our champion and he would make sure I we were alright.

The train finally pulled into the station in Sunnydale and the porter actually made sure all of Cordy's bags were off the train. I thought I heard him say something like 'good riddance' but I wasn't sure and when I saw the deserted train station, I wasn't really worried about the porter anymore. I stepped back a couple steps and whispered, "Cordy...maybe we should get back...on the train...." But when I turned around, the train was already speeding away.

I swallowed hard and looked around the station. I wished Cordy had called ahead and told Angel we were going to be here and that he could come pick us up so that we wouldn't be murdered and killed and eaten when we got into town. I was terrified and all I wanted to do was go to my room and hide under my bed. I moved closer to Cordelia and whispered, "Cordy...what...what now?"

Highs and Lows: scared