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Unconditional Love — LiveJournal
Wherein forgiveness is inherent & compassion infinite
wanderlustlover
Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes.


-- Walt Whitman; "Song of Myself"




I was born on May 3, 1983 at 3:35 in the morning. Making me 32, at the time I am writing this in the summer of 2015. I am Taurus, with Capricorn Moon and Aquarius Rising, and I know what all those mean and how they show up in my life. It will amuse you, perhaps, I identify as both American and Texan. Both of which are completely different, and recognize (jabbed and seen) differently across the globe.

Alas, I was not issued a ten gallon hat or a horse at my birth. I still haven't figured out who to address my complaint paperwork, too. I do own a lovely set of boots and hat, though, and I can ride a mean horse, and it's on the high list of things that make my heart soar. If you come to visit me I will probably use it as an excuse to have even more horseback riding.

I, currently, live alone in a four-plex housing unit with a wrap around porch, in a neighborhood of those and more, that is old as my parents at least, originally made for military families. It's nice and small and I love it, having just signed my second year lease.

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[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2237901.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover
her name is a golden bell hung in my heart,
I would break my body to pieces to call her once by her name


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[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2296515.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]
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"They are like pampered animals, that rage in savage sensuality."
-- [Act 4, Scene 1] Much A Do About Nothing


I've been in roleplaying games (RPG's) since 1996. I started in chatrooms over on Chat House, moved to and ran PBEM's (play by E-mails) over on One List/Yahoo Groups, and then started playing in threading journal games on Livejournal/Dreamwidth. Some of my games are long dead and some of them are currently active, but I've got a stunning number of characters spread out sort of everywhere.

This is my master list, so other players (and friend, and even me, myself!) will know who they are all are/were!

( Master Character List )
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Yesterday was the day they told me I pack up my classroom in eight days, and that I specifically only have four hours to pack up in (when it usually would have been like an hour daily for two weeks, and through most of the final exam days). Yesterday was my annual review for the college, held on Zoom, for the first time in three years without a class observation first (because there are no classes to observe).

We're two class dates out from having no new units to put up for the year. We're three class dates out from the AP Lit Test, which I feel like none of my kids are all that prepared for because of the plague. We're seven days out from having no more zoom tutoring. They still won't tell my kids what their graduation looks like.

How did we get to it being seven days to two full months of this.

A. Where did all that time go?
B. Holy crap, how did, are you sure we've been doing this that long?

I assume that when we get through the first week in June, and graduation, whatever it looks like passes, I'm going to pass out for basically a week straight. [This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2356129.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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Current Music: the hum of the refrigerator nearby

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The Mathematics & BreakdownCollapse )



My 2020 Growth Card: The Hanged Man

Letting go and surrendering to experience and emotional release. Accepting what is, and giving up control, reversing your view of the world and seeing things in a new light—suspending action. Sacrifice.



Affirmations:
I enjoy looking that the same situation from
as many different perspectives as possible.

I value the breaking of old patterns.
I surrender to the higher design and God's Will.
I trust and have faith in the deep essence of who I am.





Growth Card Cycle's Breakdowns & Cycle SetsCollapse )

Breaking down all of my life so far. There are the years, the numbers they add up to (plus parenthesis if the number was over 12. Then inside the brackets is the Growth Card for each of the years. Now what I'm most curious about is learning more about what these cycles mean.

1982: (19 =) 10 [19/The Sun]
The Judgement Cycle
(Ages 1-2)
1983: (20 =) 2 [20/Judgment]
1984: (21 =) 3 [21/The World]
The Emperor Cycle
Creative/Leadership Cycle

(Ages 3 to 8)
1985: (22 =) 4 [The Emperor]
1986: (23 =) 5 [The Hierophant]
1987: (24 =) 6 [The Lovers]
1988: (25 =) 7 [The Chariot]
1989: (26 =) 8 [Justice]
1990: (27 =) 9 [The Hermit]
1991: (28 =) 10[Wheel of Fortune]
The High Priestess Cycle
Creativity/Self-Sufficiency or Individuation Cycle

(Ages 9 to 18)
1992: 2 [The High Priestess]
1993: 3 [The Empress]
1994: 4 [The Emperor]
1995: 5 [The Hierophant]
1996: 6 [The Lovers]
1997: 7 [The Chariot]
1998: 8 [Justice]
1999: 9 [The Hermit]
2000: 10[Wheel of Fortune]
2001: 11[Strength]
The Empress Cycle
Creative/Venus Cycle or your Path of Heart

(Ages 19 to 28)
2002: 3 [The Empress]
2003: 4 [The Emperor]
2004: 5 [The Hierophant]
2005: 6 [The Lovers]
2006: 7 [The Chariot]
2007: 8 [Justice]
2008: 9 [The Hermit]
2009: 10 [Wheel of Fortune]
2010: 11 [Strength]
2011: 12 [The Hanged Man]


The Emperor Cycle
Creative/Leadership Cycle

(Ages 29 to ?)
This symbol and The Chariot are major symbols of change and new beginnings in the entire Tarot system. During Emperor years, individual attempts to own their own leadership; may start new projects; become leaders, directors, or have important responsibilities; may take a major trip or travel; resolve issues conceding fatherhood or with their own father or male authority figures; learn about moving in new directions from an Aries person; may start a business or creative project on one's own; interest in visual arts or photography.

2012: 4 [The Emperor]
2013: 5 [The Hierophant]
2014: 6 [The Lovers]
2015: 7 [The Chariot]
2016: 8 [Justice]
2017: 9 [The Hermit]
2018: 10 [Wheel of Fortune]
2019: 11 [Strength]
2020: 12 [The Hanged Man]
[This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2355880.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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Birthday weekend is going to be very different this year, but I'm coming to a place of burgeoning peace finally about how that doesn't mean my birthday is canceled. Not my birthday party, itself, nor the full 24 hour day I took off from work yearly, where I spent spoiling myself with a day-long self-love date with only me-myself-and-I, with a trip to somewhere unique in-state, buying myself flowers, tea, taking myself to a nice lunch or dinner.

This weekend is beginning to look a bit magical, and I'm feeling very hopeful and proud, humble, and grateful for that. In my regular weekend plans, I have four days of virtual Beltane activities and classes across the weekend. I have Book Club movie night, as well as Dreambook Buddy Updates. I will do my update for my newly yearly Tarot card math like always.

But, also, I have a one-hour zany birthday party zoom planned on my actual birthday date (that I've decided to use my gorgeous one person Master's tea set for, but not quite what hat or outfit or costume I'm wearing yet). Plus, now that it's virtual, I can invite friends to my party all across the US and the world who couldn't make my tea party in person (including my best friend).

I also have a ticket to patron the zoo's drive-through safe-opening event (supporting closed business!). I went in on Mimosa's (one of my new favorite restaurants, and, also tiny small business!) having a full Quiche & Mimosa's Flight Brunch-at-Home sale this week, saving it for Sunday. I bought myself a near three-foot orchid last weekend, which sits behind my work laptop and makes me smile every time I look at it now (from H-E-B who I'm only too happy to support!). I bought myself a gorgeous deluxe comic collection & two plush toys (I've been tracking down for a year now) that will be here sometime next week. Pictures when they arrive.

It's not what the years before now looked like, but it's not looking bad for this year either. Thank you to those who patiently, brilliantly, and fondly cajoled me into keeping my birthday party and helped me get events, and inspiration to do little bits of even more on my own, onto my birthday proper. You are my candles in the darkness, my blessings that brighten my hard days.

Take care of yourselves, take care of your heart,
You need them, We all do. [This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2355649.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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[ Crossposted from my Facebook ]

'Share a little joy.' Sing or play if you can. I tag anyone of you who feel you can or want to, whenever you can on your personal journey, whether that's today or weeks, months, away.

(Also, the reason I kept looking to my side and trying not to smile too much, was Pearl kept coming to investigate anytime in my three recordings that I hit a high note. It was super adorable.)

[This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2355237.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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This afternoon is brought to you by parents who love to accuse you that you are lying about their child cheating, or being part of the process of cheating. Even if the best running program for that right now (which compares every child's paper I have, every paper ever submitted under any teacher in the length the programs been running, and thousands of websites) says, your child has verbatim no single original thought.

Just get out. I don't have the bandwidth for you.

I finally made my everything turn on today after yesterday was basically a day that equaled that gif of Buffy spinning in an office chair with a pen cup on her head. I could not make my brain work above the sulk-level for most of the entire day. Instead, I went by school while it was empty for my Yearly Review Binder. I bought lunch at the grocery store, along with a near 3 foot orchid & a new large rose gold and roses water bottle. I made a decadent batch of (barely any almond flour) brownies.

Today, I finally managed to make things work and got tons of things checked off my regular Tuesday 'work it' list. Except this afternoon is made of parents who think I like lying to them.

Thanks, no. This is the least fun part of my job. Please do, let's have a conference. You'll get to look at all those same screenshots I sent in your email, and we'll discuss the make-up assignments. But I will not back down, and you will not convince me your child suddenly became cliff notes or another student. I have 150+ other students not having this same problem with those same questions.

And, especially for my second parent, no.

I'm not given to being lenient if you're in my class for direct dual/college credit.
Yeah, I get the circumstances (A LOT), but 93% cheating is 93% cheating. [This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2355136.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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  • Fri, 07:56: 3 of 5 stars to Exhalation by Ted Chiang https://t.co/RlWi4MDxiy
  • Fri, 08:08: This man gives me faith in humanity. https://t.co/5rngoskPLQ
  • Fri, 08:10: RT @rwrbbot: “You don’t dance?” he says, watching Henry, who is very visibly trying to figure out what to do with to do with his hands. It’…
  • Fri, 08:11: RT @rwrbbot: “Remember when we dated?” Nora swallows a massive bite and grins. “Why yes, I do, Alejandro.” Alex forces a laugh. “So, knowin…
  • Fri, 08:11: RT @rwrbbot: “Oh, I haven’t had vodka since uni,” Henry says. “It tends to make me, erm. Well—” “Flamboyant?” Pez offers. “Uninhibited? Ran…
  • Fri, 10:01: RT @FilmmakerJulie: Last weekend I watched my own mother's funeral on Zoom. So no, I don't feel great about Ivanka breaking the rules for…

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Sun & Moon 'Moon Journal' NotesCollapse )




Waning Moon Reflections

As we see out of the last moon phase in Aries, I'm very thoughtful about all the things that need releasing in my life. Habits that no longer suit me. Fears that had clung, and still do, each small new piece pulling back and away. The wisps of the shadows of people of my past that needed to have themselves quiet, softly, thankfully, and very finally, brushed away.

All the things listed under the activities. I've been letting my cleaning slide. I've insanely woken up suddenly to using my journal from out of nowhere. My mother bought the Calm app, and she's allowing me to share it, so I've been meditating the ten minutes before bed the last three nights. She's also gotten me trying a spreadsheet schedule where I pre-plan my week with what I know it basically needs, and then go updating updating as I go and things change (as dates, deadlines, and schedule pieces pop up suddenly).



I thought I had so much more to write. I have so many more thoughts, about leadership, confidence, action, but it's late, and I'm tired, and the third quarter really is about just letting things go and making space to begin again at the New Moon. I think I might just leave it there. Things said, things done, things spoken into the universe I want to let go of and have let go of me.

Another day, fresh-washed, waits for (you and) me in the morning.

~*~

Also, of amusement.

My Pearl, who crept down from her super-high cat tower, and sat on her scratching-lounge, without moving, without making a noise, watching my cauldron the whole eight-ten minutes I talked to the air, the papers with their word, both white and crisp, and then burned, one by one, about the six things I named and felt needed releasing from my current life.



[This entry was originally posted at https://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2352482.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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