My year of change continues. Last year, at about this time, I moved houses and reduced my commute to three minutes.

As of July 1st, my commute is going back up to 35-40 minutes because I'm starting a new job. After 9.5 years at my current job and countless amounts of angst and annoyance, I've decided to seek out new employment. I'll no longer be working in the animal welfare arena but, instead, will be working with an organization that supports the National Parks service. I'll be the business manager, something extremely different from what I'm doing now but I'm so stoked for it. It's about 10k more a year and significantly better benefits.

I'm used to negativity and nastiness and political games and backstabbing at the current place. However, the new place, when I came in for my interview, every single person smiled at me and greeted me, making me feel welcome. My panel interview was more like going for coffee with people that I really want to be BFFs with rather than a traditional job interview. I was completely comfortable and fell in love with the vibe rather instantly.

I wanted to do this grandiose quit thing but, instead, I'm just going. The only "fuck you" part of my quitting is that, because no one has bothered to learn my job in 9.5 years, that my finance boss, the one that's an absolute bitch to deal with, will only have a week to learn my job. She's in Bali right now and I'm covering for her. When she returns, it'll be in my last week. So, she'll have to learn my job, catch up on three weeks backlog and get ready for fiscal year end all while dealing with a new boss and taking back a bunch of stuff that got passed to HR that they won't be able to do any longer. MWHAHAHAHAHA. Plus, I'm about two seconds from firing my new hire so she might come back to an office that's down TWO people rather than one.

I haven't really announced it out to anyone and I asked the HR director (and my other boss) to not announce it to everyone. I'd rather just leave. No party to say goodbye, no anything other than cleaning out my office and heading out. I'm extremely excited for it. IDK if I'll have a cubicle rather than an office but I don't much care. I'm just excited for a new position at a new organization with new coworkers that seem genuinely happy to be at work.

As much as I kvetch about work, because my boss drives me nuts and my coworkers do as well, I love what I do. I get that safety is boring to most people and that accounting is even worse. I love it. I love making safety a "want to" instead of a "have to". I get jazzed every time someone tells me that they're learning and love working here and how much fun the job is.

So about three years ago, work was at rock bottom for our safety record. As far as the insurance company was concerned, we'd gone on a couple of drunk benders where we totalled shitloads of cars. We were about to get the worst of the worst insurance, the one that you have to beg/borrow/steal to even get and you pay through the nose for the privilege. I was tasked with getting our rating (the eMod), down to 1.25 from 1.85 (with 1.0 being industry average for amount/severity of incidents) within three years.

This year is year #3. I got the eMod down to .82. As in, far below industry average and well below the stated goal. It was fucking shitloads of work and ridiculous hours and lots of making an ass out of myself to make safety fun but I did it. I'm beyond pleased with myself.

Everyone told me that I couldn't get it down that low. When I said that I wanted us to be at .85 within five years, all the insurance industry experts (and I know a lot of them) literally laughed at me. One went so far as to put her arm around me, give a patronizing squeeze and tell me that a girl should have her dreams but that I should be "a bit more realistic" with a goal of 1.0 instead.

Fuck. That. Noise. I can't wait to show her our eMod tomorrow. I also can't wait for my review in a few weeks. I'd better have the biggest fucking raise in the entire world because I beat a five year goal that I was told was ridonk and impossible to begin with and I did it in THREE fucking years.

This has been a year of change for me, starting with my working situation then moving to my living situation and ending with my changed outlook on life and work and everything in between.

( Personal ramblings under the cutCollapse )

In addition to hiring for a full-time position, I'm hiring for a part-time position in my office and boy howdy, some of these resumes.

Let's go through the lists of don'ts, shall we?

1.) Do not mention outdated technology to me. I don't care that you know how to use a typewriter, a dictaphone or anything else that hasn't seen the light of day in years.
2.) Do not mention skills that do not apply to my position. I'm glad you know how to operate a pallet jack and a forklift. How's that going to help you with an accounting position?
3.) Spelling errors. JESUS. Someone said they were really good with "multi-pone lines". What is a pone? They followed that up with not knowing how to spell "vendor" (because "vender" looks so much better? IDEK). At that point, you're no longer being considered. You show a lack of attention to detail.
4.) Tell me that you're planning on using my position to leapfrog into a "real career". Go leapfrog somewhere else.
5.) If the advertisement says "cover letter needed", that means that a cover letter is needed. I do not even bother reviewing your resume if you do not submit a cover letter. Why? Because you clearly could not follow instructions and your reading comprehension is lacking. I'm hiring for someone that can pay attention to detail. First test failed.
6.) Please don't address your letter to "dear sir". I'm not a 'sir' and you've already insulted me with thinking that a dude is the only one that can be in a position of power.
7.) Do not do the following (I changed the name): "To whom it my concern, I Bob Hope believe... I Bob Hope am a great employee.... I Bob Hope am profencient in speaking the spanish language... I Bob Hope..." Look, I get it. Your name is Bob Hope. Couple that with the spelling errors and... nope.
8.) Apply for an accounting position when your only job experience is: help to design, construct and sell rosary bracelets. Um... no.
9.) Mention your religion. Over and over and over and over and over. I'm glad you found God. Really, I am. But what does finding God have to do with accounting?!
10.) Mention that the only reason you're applying is because we're close. Gee, that does my heart good that you're so obviously NOT committed to our mission! Sweet! That might be acceptable with a for-profit but not with a non-profit. We're not here because it's close or it pays well (guess what, it doesn't!), we're here because we're committed to the mission.
11.) Make salary and schedule demands in your cover letter. I advertised for Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm. That means that I'm looking for someone that is available Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm. I don't care that you can work Saturdays but not Tuesdays. Also, I advertised the position at $11.00 an hour so if you really think I'm going to pay you $18/hour, you are completely full of shit.
12.) No calls means no calls. Seriously. It does. So when you call, I write your name down and cross you off the interview list. It's another "following directions" thing. It doesn't show initiative, it shows that you do not listen to instructions.

and now? back to more resumes... Interviews next week, let the good times roll.

It's been so long since I used the hiring and firing tag that I thought, well, let's make it happen!

Or, not.

But. Guess who has two thumbs and is hiring for her one position again?! Yup, me! I'm terminating my newest problem employee on Monday, after a lot of drama that involved bills not getting paid, being sent to collections, food deliveries (to an animal shelter, ffs) being threatened to be cut off due to non-payment of invoices, cat litter deliveries cut off and lots lots more. Plus, it's our annual audit, we've got a new inventory system to roll out and plenty more where that came from. My life BLOWS suddenly.

This makes 10 employees in that position in 8.5 years of me working here (I've been the manager for 3 years so a lot of that is not my fault :P).

I just don't get why it's so hard to realize that when a bill is due, you pay it by the due date. Seriously, is it that hard of a concept? I never thought so until I've had to fire 4 people in the past year for this issue.

So prepare yourself for resume shenanigans and interview mishaps coming because I have not one but two positions that I'm hiring for. Double the resumes, double the fun!

So my problem employee left which is awesome. The best part, though, is she left me with much lulz had. She gave me a card, stating "I'm sorry that you thought I was a bad employee and did not reach your performance requirements. You are really unhappy and I know that you have a hole in your heart and I think that Jesus can fill it. Please visit [list of churches and websites] to help you fill the hole in your heart that you're suffering from." So, lol. Those two sentences were RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER OMG LOL. Obviously, the only reason that she didn't reach my crazy high performance requirements of "let me know where you're at on a project" and "cut checks in a timely manner" was cause I didn't have Jesus filling a hole in my heart.

I bit the bullet and signed up on match.com. I'm certain it will be as lolarious as okcupid for crazy people telling me that they want me to be their sexual slave and service both of the married couple and carry their children. (Yes, I've gotten multiple emails similar to that) Plus, I can only hope that match.com sends me old men in nylon granny panties posing all luridly. (why yes, I've gotten that, too)

I'm writing something that will feature the disclaimer of "I am not responsible for the google image search results should you choose to google the apparatus used in this fic".

I'm rather addicted to this song (link goes to youtube). It was featured on Sons of Anarchy and I love it.

My ac_bigbang fic was submitted, only a day late, and I've got three awesome pieces of artwork for it. The mod was amazingly laidback and full of helpful communication about deadlines and such. the biowarebang mod did the same and I really enjoyed participating in both of those fests. I like laidback mods who keep in communication with people. I guess I'm kooky that way. You can find the fic here.

It's really really hard not to judge Republicans by the Tea Party asshats lately. Like, seriously, people? Rick Perry kills a shitload of people and you cheer? He's not only put an innocent man to death based on faulty science but he then fired the investigators and you think that's a reason to cheer? And THEN to cheer about killing someone without insurance cause they're in a coma? Really? You'd kill him? So then you supported Terri Schiavo's husband in his quest to end Terri Schiavo's life, right? You totally supported him on ending a coma patient's life and didn't side with the parents, then, right? UGH. Hypocritical assholes cheering for bullshit things. Awful Christian of them, isn't it?

Until the fandom wank post, I had no idea that Michael Fassbender suffered from domestic violence-itus. I feel sort of gross for finding him attractive, now. Dammit.

Final note - people. Seriously. STOP WITH THE INCREASING YOUR RATING DUE TO "mild homosexuality". That suddenly put a fic to "Teen" to "Mature"?! Oh fuck you. I'm not reading your fic just because of your asshattery. Which pisses me off as it sounded mildly interesting and it's in a fandom that barely ever gets fic.

Yanno, I did this entry of what makes me hit the backbutton really, really fast when it comes to fanfic. I feel like I should do one on professionally published works, as well. For example, referring to one of your main protagonists as "a slice of chocolate cake" because he's a black man. Really? Was that necessary and/or appropriate? The book sounded awful anyway (plus, no excerpt) but that "slice of chocolate cake" was just the icing on the fail cake (yes, bad pun, sorry :().

Interviewing continues for the open position. Recent applicants/interviewees included:

a.) the man telling me that he doesn't waste his time on "that Star Wars crap" (um, dude? You're staring at a picture of Wedge Antilles and you're sitting in an office currently filled with "that Star Wars crap"). He's much smarter than that because he likes chess but only plays against people that have a lower skill level than he does because he hates to lose. He also told us his previous boss was out to get him and constantly setting him up for failure and that he likes to snoop through other people's desks so that he can see what they are and aren't doing.

b.) the lady with the see-through shirt where I could see her bra. No thanks, I really do not need to see that. Plus, she then admitted that her animals are not fixed, that they run around the neighborhood adding to a pet overpopulation problem and then giggling about it. You do know what we do here, right?

c.) The lady who called me up and demanded an interview and then cried on the phone when I told her that she wasn't qualified. Please don't cry. That really makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry that your years of working on building calculators doesn't qualify you for an accounting position but building them and using them are not the same thing.

d.) The guy who wants to be a wilderness guide, knows how to ride horses in two different styles and just got certified for remote wilderness survival. None of that relates to accounting. Just because you know which bugs to eat (yes, that was on his resume) doesn't mean that you'll be able to accurately determine which accounts to charge expenses to.

Ugh. Hiring. I keep hearing that there are tons of people looking for jobs. Why can't I get qualified AND non-crazy ones. They're either not-crazy and not-qualified or qualified and crazy.

So, interviewing continues, obviously.

So, problem employee turned in her notice after the previously discussed issue. Which I totally expected so I was well-prepared with knowing the resume/interviewing process was about to happen. Day before leaving for Star Trek: Las Vegas (more on that later), we put the ads out and the resumes poured in.

Thus, you get to continue along with the sequel: Adventures in Hiring v2.0. For v1.0, see here. There's plenty of crazy.

I'm rather cheap for this so I only listed with the unemployment office and craigslist as they're both free to list jobs.

We've got baristas with no accounting history but they know how to make mini-donuts. We've got 7th Grade Math Teachers. We've got former Controllers. We've got Circle K Managers. We've got so many random people. No one super bitchy yet which is a plus. Instead, there's just a whole lot of unqualified applicants.

We did the first interview this morning. The lady wore so much perfume that I barely kept from gagging. Three hours later (and lunch), I'm still tasting her perfume on my tongue. I have a major headache from the perfume.

Here's a hint - if you're looking for a job, do not wear perfume. You don't know if the hiring person is scent-sensitive or not. If they are and you wear perfume, you're out of the hiring pool. If they aren't and you don't wear perfume, you simply smell normal and human. See, win/win to not wear perfume. The sad part is that this lady interviewed very well for the most part but the perfume was just too strong for me to consider having that in my office all the time.

Another hint - a resume should be formated in a certain way. If you have random columns that I can't figure out the logic behind, you are not going to get an interview. If you still have the brackets where Word wants you to fill in the blanks, I will think that you do not know how to use Word properly and will not hire you. I simply have too many resumes coming in to try to spend more than a few minutes on a resume that makes no sense and/or looks appalling.

Third hint - if you use all caps in your cover letter to emphasize how GREAT and AMAZING of a JOB CANDIDATE you are, I am going to think that you are neither GREAT nor AMAZING. I'm going to think that you like random caps and compose unprofessional correspondence for my professional job.

Final hint - stop with the family status in your resume. Seriously. I do not want to know about how many children you have. I only want to know about what qualifications you have to perform the job I am advertising for.

Anyone going to Star Trek Las Vegas? elanorofcastile and I are going and I think it'd be fun to meet up with a bunch of slashers. Anyone?

The teaser trailer for Assassin's Creed: Embers is up. here. Oh my heart. Seriously, just gah. This game series just about breaks my heart. I love Altair, don't get me wrong, but Ezio has a special place in my heart. I think it has a lot to do with how much we've seen of his life versus how little we saw of Altair. We've seen Ezio since he was a baby and now we get to see him as an old(er) man.

I think Imma sign up for the Assassin's Creed Big Bang, especially as the word count is a minimum of 4k. Next challenge is all about cliches and I can think of about a billion cliches I'd love to write.

My biowarebang fic will be posted shortly. We've an extension from the mod and hopefully everything comes together in the next day or so. You should see what kath_ballantyne came up with, folks. Seriously, her drawings are amazing. AMAZING. I have no words for it. Plus, the fic mixer has some great ideas (and she loved my fic so there's that, too).

I have a huge, ginormous amount of shit to take to the post office now that the post office has found my lost packages. So if I owe you mail, you will be getting it soon.

Work has been ridiculous lately but it's eased up. We've finally closed our fiscal year and can work on July and move on with our lives.

One of the people I loathe at work just turned in her two weeks. I'm sort of ecstatic over it. She's a royal pain in the ass with a giant martyr complex while she also thinks that she is the most amazing person in the entire world. I hate listening to her fucking lectures on how awesome she is and how she knows more than everyone else. Self-absorbed asshole is finally going away. Thank the maker.

Finished and submitted by biowarebang fic but it looks like my artist dropped with no notice to anyone. So, um, yayes? This always seems to happen to me. I am normally the one that gets the pinch hit and, in all attempts to not be snarky, you can sort of tell the pinch hits.

The post office is fucking with me, yet again. I don't understand how they can continue to justify their existence when they fail so miserably.

I had a professional photographer come take pictures of my dogs for the "Hot Dogs of Tucson" calendar as I won the page for June. You can see my dogs here. You also get to see bits of my backyard. I'll prolly post a link to the calendar when it's available cause my puppies are the cutest.

I saw Deathly Hallows. As far as I'm concerned, Deamus is now movie canon. I had my qualms with HBP but this one really hit the mark. There were disappointments but for the most part, best acted and best part of the series. I enjoyed it a lot.

I'm writing for bb_shousetsu for this round. I'm about 90% done with it. Anyone up for a beta of original fic? It's sitting at about 11k right now.

I'm playing through Fable 3 again. I love this game.

Work continues to stress me out. We're closing the fiscal year and it's the worst close we've ever had. I was basically in tears by the end of Friday. So fucking horribly stressful. The weather isn't helping as it's really humid (shut up, 50% humidity is awful) and we've been having major air pressure changes and my head aches all the time from it. I've had a migraine and/or headache since last Saturday and it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon.

Date didn't happen. He wussed out about 45 minutes beforehand so whatever. Fuck him.

Thank you for all the chocolate heads, guys! I sent out about a billion of them because they're totally fun :D