American History

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
"Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death' ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's
"Patrick Henry 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?"
Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Take this!"
Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.
One of the kids says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"
Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."

Copy & Paste .....

This was voted "Women's Favorite Email of the Year"

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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen "

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes,
fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,drove them to school,
came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries,
paid the bills and balance the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds,
do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework,
then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied,
"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night."

Ah! This is proof that God does not support abortion.