debunkingstrght

The Daily Mail, a daily British tabloid newspaper has published a disgusting homophobic piece about the death of Boyzone singer Stephen Gately.

http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2009/10/daily-mail-publishes-homophobic-article.html

i'm getting married. it was a weird decision to begin with, because i have conflicted views on marriage outside of exercising a privilege i have as a straight person. but now that the decision is made, the big question for me has become how can i be an ally and still do this?

originally, we were going to have the wedding in a state that allows same-sex marriage. (i live in nyc). pretty much everyone i told this to told me that was pointless and/or ridiculous. and i know that it isn't exactly helping the gay community for me to bring a bunch of new yorkers (gay and straight) up to connecticut for a straight wedding. but i thought it made sense because if we weren't straight, that is what we would -have- to do.

but now it's proven really difficult to plan the wedding in connecticut (there are other circumstances involved). and i found a place in jersey city (a subway ride from home) that is my dream party venue. new jersey is not a state where gay marriage is allowed (as i'm sure you know). so now we're thinking of having a bench marriage in stamford and then having the personally meaningful, nonlegal ceremony in jersey city or manhattan.

i guess what i'm asking here is, is this ridiculous? is there any value in our being legally married in ct? is there any value in it if we aren't having our big party there, so our money is still be spent in states (nj and ny) that do not allow same-sex marriage? are there things i can do as a straight person that would be valuable?

just to be thorough, we are having a fairly nontraditional wedding (my maid of honor is my brother, i was the proposer, our buddy will be the officiant/mc) and since i've turned every other aspect of my life into a political soapbox (i'm a musician), i intend to draw attention to the privileges we have as straight people and to mention non-marriage related gay issues at the wedding.

thanks folks.

When someone tells a homophobic/biphobia/transphobic/sexist/racist/etc, etc, etc, joke and somebody tells them they are hurt by it, you can be sure that someone is going to say that it's just a joke, lighten up, it's not serious buisness.

seasontoseason has written two little pages that ze hands out to ze's privileged friends, rather than trying to argue the point every time. Ze has kindly uploaded it here for others to makes use of as well.

Ze's arguements are based on racist and sexist jokes, but can be easily molded to fit straight privilege as well, which is why I'm posting it here.

For the benefit of anyone who doesn't want to download it, under the cut is my take of ze's arguements as applied to straight privilege. (I was going to do cis privilege as well, but as soon as I started I realized it was a bit presumptuous of me, since I'm cis myself.)

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Thanks for starting this comm, I'm excited about the concept!

I'm bisexual, but I've got loads of straight privilege. I'm a woman married to a man, and I'm naturally feminine enough for most people, even most homophobic people, to readily accept. (By naturally, I mean, my self chosen identity, appearance, dress, speech, etc. is "feminine" without trying. Is there a term for that? Gender-normative?)

I've been on debunkingwhite for a while now, and I'm really glad I am.

An LJ friend posted this video yesterday of a LT Dan Choi speech at a rally outside an Obama appearance in CA on Wednesday. It's awesome.
Love is worth it!!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIwgB759d9k&feature=related

There's a bill in Congress right now called the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (MREA), H.R. 1285, that would cancel the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, and allow GLBTQ* soldiers to serve openly. I don't know much about how lawmaking works, but a group I recently joined (Knights Out, GLBT West Point Alumni- thanks to LT Choi) is urging its members to visit their congresspeople to ask them to cosponsor it. I want to visit my congressman, but I'm nervous. He's a Republican, and I live in a conservative city (Colorado Springs).

I've been out of the Army for 9 years, but my hubby is active duty Air Force. He's still living with the fear (and my fear for him/our livelyhood) of disciplinary action under DADT- even though he's (mostly) straight. And working alongside jerks who use "gay" as an epithet. He's not too happy with his squadron right now...

Anyway, it is time to end Don't Ask Don't Tell, and time for more states to write marriage equality into their constitutions! In fact, I'm hoping to see marriage equality go to the Supreme Court of the United States. Because I'm optimistic. I don't really know the details of how Supreme Court cases work, either, though.

Thanks again to you people (or one person?) who founded this comm!

When straight people tout how tolerant they are of gays, then immediately follow it with a statement such as "but I just feel like you're attention-seeking about it. I mean, I know you're gay and that's cool, but must you constantly remind me?"

Alternatively, "I don't mind gay people, as long as they act straight in public/around me."

This is highly problematic because a) you assume only non-straights have a sexuality b) you ignore how you constantly remind your gay relative/friend/acquaintance that you are straight, in the same way you are accussing ze of doing to you, and c) why, exactly, do you want to forget ze is gay?