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Interpersonal Skills Beta

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    Do note that this approach can be dangerous. When you challenge people's deeply held worldviews, whether explicitly or (as here) implicitly, you may just be painting a big target on your back. I'm not saying never do it, but pause first to consider whether that particular issue is a hill you're willing to die on. If the OP's goal is simply to maintain cordial relationships with family and neighbors, this may not be the best strategy. Commented Oct 16, 2017 at 19:52
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    This isn't helpful advise given that OP's goal presumably isn't to make his neighbours better people, but to to be able to make it through these barbecues without their mother bothering them because they are considered "rude". Independently of whether it is "correct" to do so, if those neighbours already consider them rude because they change the topic or do no participate in gossip, do you really feel they will like the devil's advocate better? Frankly, most of the times people dislike interacting with the devil's advocate even when they are otherwise well-liked members of the group, Commented Oct 17, 2017 at 6:25
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    I do this all the time, works wonders, as long as whoever I talk to has a functioning brain and some empathy. Just don't be too obvious, try to make them think what would happen if they were in the situation of the gossiping-target. Commented Oct 17, 2017 at 12:36
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    @Andrew So, telling them directly that gossiping is wrong and refusing to participate would be less snobby? Using a little tact is often a less abrasive way to deal with people. In this case just gently defending people is a way to remind people who gossip that it's not a great thing to do. When people notice that you tend to redirect gossip, they tend to think a little bit about how they talk about others around you, leading to fewer gossiping conversations. Commented Oct 17, 2017 at 19:40
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    @Andrew There's nothing wrong with being abrasive about gossip if you don't intend to maintain a relationship with people who do it. If you intend to be friendly with these people, and need to maintain relationships with neighbors and family, it helps to treat them gently. You can be honest yet still kind, this is one way to do that. It's just setting a positive example rather than being confrontational with people. Commented Oct 17, 2017 at 19:52