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  • 39
    This is very anectdotal but people have often assumed 'he' when referring to me ("His post says / Answering him"). However I don't typically correct people or display my pronouns in an environment with unfamiliar people and no commonplace practice for people to display pronouns, because that would make me stand out. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 4:11
  • 107
    @sylverfyre it's a longstanding tradition in the English language, though, to default to the masculine if a person's gender is not known and/or a hypothetical person is being discussed whose actual gender is not relevant to the conversation. It's not a campaign by people to twist the language to promote bias, it's the way people were taught to talk in formal contexts. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 4:15
  • 70
    Yes, there are a LOT of longstanding traditions that are fundamentally rooted in sexism. However, my point is more that "this is a thing that makes the community a little bit less welcoming for me" and not "its actively harmful." As someone who's not a moderator, I only have a this tiny anectdotal user experiences from my position of only very occasionally commenting/answering. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 4:20
  • 17
    While the answer to Robert's question is not just about pronouns, I might as well say, using the singular "they" is both formal and practical. You already do it naturally. If you find yourself using "he" to refer to unknown people in English, where everybody has used and understood "they" for centuries, it's because you on some level assume being male is the default. [This comment referred to an earlier, deleted comment by Blue as well, similar to the one below.] Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 4:51
  • 16
    My example is that when speaking up about being misgendered or when discussing the use of the singular they a user may be shouted down to in the comments. You know. Like above. ^ Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:02
  • 99
    I think that this will not end good for non-native-English speakers. Seeing that "they" is supposedly a singular pronoun made me raising eyebrows, since today is the first time I ever heard that in English "they" is admissible to be used as a singular pronoun. No English course I ever took ever presented "they" as a singular pronoun. Don't expect that non-native-English speakers get it right anytime soon and don't interpret that as anything offensive. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:17
  • 39
    @bruglesco Ok. If you or someone else thinks that I should refer as "they", so be it. But expect that some people will simply not understand what the heck is going on and they are not being evil, aggressive or whatever like that. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:24
  • 35
    On another thought, how this could be enforced in non-English communities? Since this would be part of the CoC, it would/could/should be enforced everywhere. For example, in my language there is simply no gender-neutral pronoun ever, just the equivalently of "he" or "she". Their plural forms are also gender-specific (like "hes" and "shes"). Normally, that is nothing I would ever concern or think about. But if gender-neutral expressions would be enforced, there is simply no way to express that in some languages. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:27
  • 20
    @VictorStafusa It is true that the singular "they" is a specific feature of English (been there since the 14th century). It's pretty convenient. If you want to know how to be gender-inclusive in other languages, maybe try asking queer folks who speak those languages. This doesn't really seem to be the venue for that question. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:29
  • 83
    @rspeer What I see is a venue for great confusion. I can imagine in the future somebody with poor English skills being accused of queerphobia just for using "he" to refer to a user called "LOLOMG" who just happened to be a queer in a comment of some answer about using arrays in C#. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:37
  • 39
    @Victor Yes, it's that slippery slope that I'm afraid of. The sad part is...those kind of accusations are already mainstream; say if you assume that a random person in a tech workplace will most likely be male (based on statistical data) you're accused of being sexist when you're just being practical. In order to communicate, people risk offending other people; not assuming good faith on others' part is a very dangerous path to down. In the past, the overarching principle of the CoC was "assuming good faith"; the current behaviour by SE goes against that and badly so. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 5:54
  • 56
    [cont.] It's simply this mutual understanding and respect that I'm asking for. Please don't assume that a random person on the Internet is sexist or queerphobic simply because they use a variation of the English language that you're not familiar with or find awkward. This is an international platform and people come here from all kinds of backgrounds. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 6:49
  • 16
    "Does the Stack Exchange network have a problem with misgendering users or otherwise being unwelcoming or rude toward LGBTQ contributors?" In one famous blog post, the Network said yes, because they interviewed users and these users told them about harassment directed at women or people of color or minorities. This is at least some qualitative hint. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 8:53
  • 8
    @Trilarion Those kinds of interviews often don't reflect the actual scenario because the interviewees are a self-selected sample rather than a random sample of the group they're representing. I would'nt draw definitive conclusions from that alone. Though, yes, the 'hints' matter. Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 9:10
  • 10
    I think what @VictorStafusa is bringing to the conversation very relevant. I'm also from Brazil, took several English courses and I've never heard that "they" could be used to refer to one individual. I can really see some user using "he" to refer a person, then it'll be edited to "they" and this user stares the edit thinking "what the heck is going on?". Commented Oct 1, 2019 at 13:37