'problem', 'inadequate', 'strangled', 'limited X skills', 'belittled', 'depressed', 'inability' in one sentence, all directed toward yourself suggests to me some unhealed wound/s from the past still hurting you. If you find ways to overcome those, programming or any such art/craft would be very easy to master. Perhaps reading about other people's resilience would help here. Everyone goes through hurting times in their lives. If those hurts/wounds are not healed, their successes wouldn't have come by. Heal your wound/s first. Programming can wait for later.

As for programming skills, how I learn a new language and start thinking like others who already program in that language is, first, read up everything I can lay my hands on that is related to that language. Then, when I have read enough, start writing small programs.