How to have the vertical dividers of inner grids aligned to each other in the following?
Grid[{ {"12",Grid[{{"1","2"},{"foo","bar"}},Dividers-> All]}, {"xxxx",Grid[{{"1","2"},{"foooo","barbar"}},Dividers-> All]} }, Dividers-> All ] 
You can play with ItemSizes to make sure that the itemsizes in the two sub-grids are in alignment. For example:
Grid[{{"12", Grid[{{"1", "2"}, {Item["foo", ItemSize -> {5, 3}], Item["bar", ItemSize -> {10, 3}]}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {Center, Center}]}, {"xxxx", Grid[{{"1", "2"}, {Item["foo", ItemSize -> {10, 3}], Item["barbar", ItemSize -> {10 - 5 + 10, 3}]}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {Center, Center}]}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {{Center, Center}, {Center, Center}}, ItemSize -> {{{10, 30}}}] 
Given the two column widths {x1,y1} for the top sub-grid, and the column width of the first item in the lower sub-grid x2, the second column width is determined by
y2 = y1+ x2- x1 Of course, you also need to add the costraints that x1+y1 = x2+y2 = cw = column width of the second column in the enclosing grid, and that each column width is wide enough for the cell contents etc...
Update: A more flexible, yet still manual, approach is to wrap sub-grids in Pane and use Alignment option of Pane as suggested in halirutan's answer to a related question.
Manipulate[ Grid[{{"12", Pane[Grid[{{"1", "2"}, {"foo", "bar"}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {Center, Center}], ImageSize -> Full, Alignment -> {x12, Center}]}, {"xxxx", Pane[Grid[{{"1", "2"}, {"foooooooooooooooooooooooo", "barbar"}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {Center, Center}], ImageSize -> Full, Alignment -> {x22, Center}]}}, Dividers -> All, Alignment -> {Center, Center}, ItemSize -> {{{40, 10}, {40, 10}}}], Grid[{{Control[{{x12, Center, "x12"}, {Left, Center, Right}}], Control[{{x12, 0, ""}, -1, 1, Appearance -> "Labeled"}]}, {Control[{{x22, Center, "x22"}, {Left, Center, Right}}], Control[{{x22, 0, ""}, -1, 1, Appearance -> "Labeled"}]}}]] 
Grid will be fixed in version 9, we are left with painful/manual workarounds:) (see e.g. this question). $\endgroup$